As the title suggests this may not be the merriest of posts.
I have just completed the compulsory first six advocacy course, so can now go forth into my second six. The course was useful, and on the whole enjoyable with many eminent (if a little out of touch) barristers regaling many anecdotes from their careers at the Bar since the ice age.
I am not feeling as comfortable in Chambers as I was. I am at a loss to explain why this is, but I sometimes feel that I come across as a bit dull, particularly with the younger members. As a pupil it's simply not my place to make comment on any gossip or the like being discussed, but nevertheless I feel a bit of pressure to have a bit more about me. Perhaps I'll learn to juggle and flame throw in order to entertain like a court jester. Come April, this may be rather too analogous than is comfortable.
To be completely honest, I'm finding it hard to care. My significant other and I decided to go our separate ways after 5 years. It was in the end a mutual decision based on the fact that we live in different parts of the country and have entirely separate lives. Having managed to get this far, I can't jack it all in for a frolic of the heart, but it is a hard reality to come to terms with. I simply feel sad.
I hope the high price this career comes at both financially and emotionally will be worth it. Looking at it from where I am at this particular moment, I think not.
Happier posts to come, hopefully.
PB
15 comments:
My dear, DEAR Bean,
*Hugs*. I am so sorry that you and your partner have decided to go your separate ways after such a length of time; no wonder you dont feel 'up' to the challenges you now face, or even as comfortable in chambers as usual - life, after all has been thrown into considerable turmoil, and, with the advent of your second six (which, depending on your point of view, is either coming at a very good, or a very bad time) I am not surprised that you feel the pressure to be more than the sum of your parts so to speak. You cant be all things to all people, particularly the younger members, who, afer all, are not anymore under the singlar pressure that you find yourself having to bear. I'd like to think that they, above all would understand, because becoming a barrister, is, I think not without its sacrifices, but I do believe that it is worth it, and that, ultimately things will all come out in the wash, with a VERY nice lady out there with your name on her! :)
Hey PB,
I'm sorry about your break-up :(
I really hope that you will feel better very soon.
Oh dear PB, I fear your story is not unique. It seems the bar is littered with broken hearts and it appears that being a barrister means being married to the job and no other:-(
Don't rush into anything, at least see your second six out for the sake of all the hard graft you endured in getting pupillage in the first place.
And as for your partner - I like the old saying - 'if you love something, set it free. if it comes back it is yours, if it doesn't it never was'.
I'd make a bit of a joke with your colleagues about the 'office gossip', perhaps something along the lines of "I love to listen to all this salacious stuff, but it's more than my jobs worth to join in". Or perhaps a "a puplils place is to be seen and not heard" would be ok.
All in all it sounds as though you need a few days break, can't you ask chambers for a couple of days off? I'm sure even humble pupils are allowed to re-charge their batteries just once in a while:-)
PB you are being attacked by women folk, who like nothing more than to catch a just single man!!
Shame about the girl/boy, (its a girl yes?) however there are plenty of drunk slutty barristers just awaiting you (I've only heard stories from lecturers)
Pupillage is a tough time so i've heard... you want to adopt behaviour that will secure tenancy. Generally agreeing with people and not making a fuss is apparently the way to go, then you can change in tenancy. Pupillage moderation behaviour is quite common I believe.. don't worry if you think they think you are dull..
PB
I think the thing to remember is that its only short term. Keep your head down and finish the pupillage, then the world really is your oyster - which could include a tenancy near home (if Londons not for you - for other half, or other reasons) or inhouse work or cross qualifying. It may not even include the law. Things Change. But you would have regretted it if you hadn't tried - its easy to forget that in the myre.
The other thing to remember is, quite franky, no one can TRULY enjoy pupillage. It is quite franky pretty mortifying to follow someone round, not say anything if they make a mistake, not join in (or even make a comment why your not joinging in (sorry i disagree with BM) ) as its "just not done". it is archaic, humiliating, cringeworthy and just a f*cking drag - but unfortunately it's the price you have to pay at the moment. I look back at a few of my experiences on minis and it beings tears to my eyes thinging about pupillage.
As I say you would have regretted it, probably far more, if you hadn't tried so hang in there :)
LG
Hey PB, sorry about the girlie but don't let it get you down.
As everyone has said, get the Pupillage done, get the Tenancy and then the world is your oyster.
Your postings show that you are not a boring old fart (Unlike 50yrold) so just hang in there with grim determination.
Swizz
Go PB, Go PB, Go PB
Am I missing something here? Why does everyone think PB is a guy? Or perhaps I'm being a bit thick again:-)
BM,
This would, unfortunately, not be the first time the blogging community has mistaken one sex for the other - most of us did the same thing with regard to Advocatus Diaboli when she was Lawyer-to-be!!
BM, nah, he hasn't mentioned swapping recipes, horses or shoes once yet.
Actually, he did mention at the beginning something about buying a pair of shoes for his suit, so perhaps he did.
Anyway, PB is a blokes bloke. Has to be, and I will eat my hat if he is a she.
Ooh Minxy, Reminds me of a time on an internal law forum when I was doing my degree, had an email from a lady saying "I bet you look just like Hugh Grant" - I replied "Sorry more like Hugh Jarse":-)
The wit of Ms BM Strikes AGAIN!
( Though I do sincerely hope that your Jarse is not in ANY way Hugh, rest assured that the lovely people at Stanley Ley/Ede and Ravenscroft provide Handsome Barristerial Accoutrement is perfectly tailored to dealing with, among many other things, Substantive Jarses)
Stick with it PB. BM, is Hugh Jarse related to Hugh G. Rection, by any chance ?
I want to know why BM was flirting with the 'lady' and managed to get her to flirt back, when both of them should have been studying.
Swiss
[ignoring Swizz] PB - I feel for you mate but there are plenty of assistant solicitors out there though they will never be home in time to cook you dinner. You are engaged to the law now - make sure you don't leave her standing at the alter. She will be around when all the others have flown (apologies for mixed metaphor).
I think that this is a nervous time in pupillage. Senior Clerk told me they know after 6 months so we all just want to be put out of our misery as soon as possible.
Top tip to aspirants - get a pupillage where they make the tenancy decision after 9 months.
My Dear Beanie,
Though I know that you are probably VERY busy, enmeshed as you are in your second six, I do hope you are alright given your recent agonies - the Ether is very Worried about you!!!
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